:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
