Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
