You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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