Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
