morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
