i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
