i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
