how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
