I accidentally had phone sex last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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