Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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