I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
