ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
