You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone came in the potted fern
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
