I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
