I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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