ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
