So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
