Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
