oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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