I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
