she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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