farters have to be the big spoon...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
