Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
