what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
