I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
