She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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