It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
