im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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