Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The Olympian is in my bed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
