am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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