I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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