Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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