apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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