Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
