Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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