i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
only you would photoshop your dick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it glows. i had to have it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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