What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
