You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
