dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
