I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
