It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
