well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
