You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
