After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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