someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
