You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
