Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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