I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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