theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
