Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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