i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
