She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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